He stopped for a second, and stared down onto the bottle in his hand. The stench of gasoline mixed with kerosine vapered out of it, pressing its way past the length of cloth pushed into the opening. The bottom of it swimming in the mixture. The dark shadow took a glance at the house across the street, then took another deep hit of the joint in his other hand. A series of images flashed before his eyes, blonde hair, mixed in with pink, deep blue eyes, and a pearly white smile. He stared over at the house again, watching as the lit windows slowly turned dark, the only visible light from the streetlamps.
As the last window turned dark, he looked at his watch, and flicked the wheel on his lighter. Two quick steps forward, his arm stretched out behind him, with the flames licking at the white cloth. A line of tiny fragments formed behind it, making it look like a rainbow of fire before the sound of breaking glass broke the silence.
The gasoline quickly covered the white drapes, sending tongues of fire licking up the walls and across the floor.
He tilted his head to the side and watched the fire burn, cleanse, his soul felt free like the grip around his heart had finally been released. The hand of iron was finally gone, the clouds of pheromones, dopamine and serotonin lifted, and he could think freely. "Like the Phoenix, I too shall be reborn with the aid of fire" he took a deep breath and enjoyed the smell of burning wood, the screams from the slowly gathering crown. He watched her as she ran from the burning building, her pyjamas lightly draped around her, blonde hair mixed in with pink flowing around her head.
Her normally milky white skin was partially covered by soot and she coughed heavily.
"See you little bitch, I told you that you wouldn't get away with your bullshit" he thought to himself as he watched the paramedics drape a blanket over her as she sat with a mask over her face. The flashing lights from the emergency response vehicles flooded the area with blue, orange and red lights. He sunk back into the shadows, and hid among the crowd as the firemen burst through the front door.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Relationship economics
The thing people seem to not get about me is that I am at the bottom, behind the layers of hostile, arrogant, intelligent, and so on, a very sensitive person. I pride myself of putting logic, reason and thought before emotion, of course since I am also passionate things can get heated. However I have a certain point, for me I call it the "sociopath point" which is when you're dead to me.
You could be my best friend for years, and if you do some things off my list, I will cut you out of my life, just as easy if not easier than I julienne a carrot. I can take a lot of flack, I can be an emotional punching bag, or the teddy bear to cuddle when you feel sad, but exploit my good will, take advantage of that I care for you and I will cut you out like a cyste.
I'm not writing this out of anger, I'm just trying to illustrate that every person has a breaking point. Of course the point depends a lot on the person doing the breaking. I have a lot more leeway, I'd say an almost indefinite leeway for my family. For girlfriends it can be higher than friends, and for friends it can be higher than girlfriends and its totally dependent on the situation.
But but Scelerant how do I reach that point with you?
It's quite simple actually, for everything you do that has a negative effect, you need to do something that has a positive effect. Let's say if someone loses a parent, will I be there to talk to them, console them and so on? Yes I will be, but I will not sit here and listen to the same person constantly whine about it indefinitely. If someone complains to me every time we speak, and never does anything to change what they are complaining about, I stop wanting to have anything to do with them.
Not because I don't want them to be happy, but because I also want me to be happy, and quite frankly if someone is whining to you daily, you will become a depressed fucker yourself.
See this is what people refuse to accept most of the time when it comes to relationships, its all a trade off. The lesser of two evils so to speak. Every single friend you have has qualities that improves your life in some way, without adding excessive drama to it. If a friend of yours always brings massive drama, and never improves things for you, you don't want them to come around much do you?
If I had a girlfriend who would come over every night when I come home from work, cook me a meal, talk about whatever was on my mind at that time, and then fuck me, that is a huge plus in her "pro" column. If she comes over after I come home from work, demands that I cook her a meal, and then blabbers on about what chick at her job is a bitch this week, then puts on flannels and go to bed wearing a retainer and 3 layers of what looks like used motoroil she gets a big minus for that day.
This is exaggerated of course, because if all I wanted was someone to cook for me, talk to me and fuck me, I'd hire a hooker with culinary experience who's studying psychology. The fact is though, every relationship in your life is a trade off to some degree. I'm good with computers, I fix computers for my friends when they ask me. Just like when my car breaks down I call my friend who's a mechanic. If I need financial advice I'll call a friend who's an accountant. Their professions are not why I'm friends with them, but its part of who they are, and in my opinion friends help each other.
I'm happy to fix a friends computer, or hook up their mediacenter on the weekend. However if one of them came and expected me to wire a full home network with hidden cables and everything I would feel taken advantage of.
Hate it or love it, everything is economics, supply and demand and anticipation. The man who taught me about trading in the stockmarket once said "You're not buying and selling shares, you are buying and selling expectations and anticipations.
You see stocks are traded based on how they are doing now, in comparison to how people think they are going to be doing. If George W. Bush and Dick Cheney decided to invade Iran while they were in office, bet your behind Hallie-burton stock is going up. Now some of you may ask; "What is this Hallie-Burton" the answer is "It's the company Bush and Cheney gave an 8 year blowjob to."
In relationships its the same thing, you tend to hang out with people who have similar interests or you have something else in common with. It could be location, a love of slasher flicks or whatever. Children are often very honest about this, which is one of the few qualities I like about them. "I want to hang out at John's house, he got a Playstation 3!"
So let's just be honest shall we?
You could be my best friend for years, and if you do some things off my list, I will cut you out of my life, just as easy if not easier than I julienne a carrot. I can take a lot of flack, I can be an emotional punching bag, or the teddy bear to cuddle when you feel sad, but exploit my good will, take advantage of that I care for you and I will cut you out like a cyste.
I'm not writing this out of anger, I'm just trying to illustrate that every person has a breaking point. Of course the point depends a lot on the person doing the breaking. I have a lot more leeway, I'd say an almost indefinite leeway for my family. For girlfriends it can be higher than friends, and for friends it can be higher than girlfriends and its totally dependent on the situation.
But but Scelerant how do I reach that point with you?
It's quite simple actually, for everything you do that has a negative effect, you need to do something that has a positive effect. Let's say if someone loses a parent, will I be there to talk to them, console them and so on? Yes I will be, but I will not sit here and listen to the same person constantly whine about it indefinitely. If someone complains to me every time we speak, and never does anything to change what they are complaining about, I stop wanting to have anything to do with them.
Not because I don't want them to be happy, but because I also want me to be happy, and quite frankly if someone is whining to you daily, you will become a depressed fucker yourself.
See this is what people refuse to accept most of the time when it comes to relationships, its all a trade off. The lesser of two evils so to speak. Every single friend you have has qualities that improves your life in some way, without adding excessive drama to it. If a friend of yours always brings massive drama, and never improves things for you, you don't want them to come around much do you?
If I had a girlfriend who would come over every night when I come home from work, cook me a meal, talk about whatever was on my mind at that time, and then fuck me, that is a huge plus in her "pro" column. If she comes over after I come home from work, demands that I cook her a meal, and then blabbers on about what chick at her job is a bitch this week, then puts on flannels and go to bed wearing a retainer and 3 layers of what looks like used motoroil she gets a big minus for that day.
This is exaggerated of course, because if all I wanted was someone to cook for me, talk to me and fuck me, I'd hire a hooker with culinary experience who's studying psychology. The fact is though, every relationship in your life is a trade off to some degree. I'm good with computers, I fix computers for my friends when they ask me. Just like when my car breaks down I call my friend who's a mechanic. If I need financial advice I'll call a friend who's an accountant. Their professions are not why I'm friends with them, but its part of who they are, and in my opinion friends help each other.
I'm happy to fix a friends computer, or hook up their mediacenter on the weekend. However if one of them came and expected me to wire a full home network with hidden cables and everything I would feel taken advantage of.
Hate it or love it, everything is economics, supply and demand and anticipation. The man who taught me about trading in the stockmarket once said "You're not buying and selling shares, you are buying and selling expectations and anticipations.
You see stocks are traded based on how they are doing now, in comparison to how people think they are going to be doing. If George W. Bush and Dick Cheney decided to invade Iran while they were in office, bet your behind Hallie-burton stock is going up. Now some of you may ask; "What is this Hallie-Burton" the answer is "It's the company Bush and Cheney gave an 8 year blowjob to."
In relationships its the same thing, you tend to hang out with people who have similar interests or you have something else in common with. It could be location, a love of slasher flicks or whatever. Children are often very honest about this, which is one of the few qualities I like about them. "I want to hang out at John's house, he got a Playstation 3!"
So let's just be honest shall we?
Why I think religion is such bullshit
I've had a hard time putting a single reason on why I feel like religion is utter crap and I just think I had a revelation so to speak. It's because every rule God puts forth is fucking retarded.
Do you really think that eating pork is going to come into question on judgment day? Why does it even matter, does context matter? Let's say I was about to die of starvation and I call out to God to please save me. Next thing I know a beautiful suckling pig saunters by, all made from delicious pork. I mean people have eaten human flesh, excrement, bugs, seeds and so on to stay alive, I'm fairly sure a nice side of bacon tastes a fuckload better and is less disgusting.
God helps those who help themselves, so I'm helping myself to a big BLT right now.
Deuteronomy 5:6–21
" you shall have no other gods before me.
Ok. but am I allowed to test other faiths? I guess not. This kind of reminds me of the tales I've read from North Korea where people think they are better off than everyone else, while in reality I would rather spend a few years in an American maximum security prison than in North Korea. Sure in the Maximum security prison I will most likely get raped in every way imaginable and a few unimaginable ones, but at least I get 3 meals a day, sufficient clothing, decent heat, and health/dental care.
In North Korea I risk being sent to a secret government detention center in the middle of fucking nowhere and slowly get worked, beaten and starved to death, in between bouts of torture. Oh and even if I don't get tossed in a prison camp, I'll most likely starve, freeze, have toothaches, and die from illnesses that are more or less eradicated in the west.
Wouldn't an all powerful all knowing God have slightly more confidence in his own message, that he is willing to let us explore freely all avenues of faith?
God strikes me as using the same tools Stalin, Kim Jong Il and numerous other dictators have used throughout history.
8 You shall not make for yourself an idol, whether in the form of anything that is in heaven above, or that is on the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.
9 You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, punishing children for the iniquity of parents, to the third and fourth generation of those who reject me,
10 but showing steadfast love to the thousandth generation of those who love me and keep my commandments.
I suppose this one leaves little up to interpretation, you are not to make an idol for yourself period. So Star Wars action figures, Transformers, every hot little piece of celebrity ass on posters, cars, houses, ANYTHING we idolize is against God, because he is to be our only idol. And damn you if you worship anything else!
That's fucking harsh isn't it? Punishing the children for what the parents have done, not just in 1 generation, but grandchildren, great grandchildren, great great grandchildren. Let me demonstrate if your Great Great grandfather, IE Your fathers, fathers, father, yes it's complicated I know. Basically the dude who fathered your grandfather's father, got handed a gun by Billy the Kid back in the 1850's which he loved and idolized and as such it became the most valued possession in his life. Now God is going to punish the shit out of you.
11 You shall not make wrongful use of the name of the Lord your God, for the Lord will not acquit anyone who misuses his name.
If you ever used the phrase "Oh my God", "Dear Lord!" or any other use of God's name in any situation where you are not calling for him specifically, you are screwed.
12 Observe the sabbath day and keep it holy, as the Lord your God commanded you.
13 For six days you shall labour and do all your work.
14 But the seventh day is a sabbath to the Lord your God; you shall not do any work—you, or your son or your daughter, or your male or female slave, or your ox or your donkey, or any of your livestock, or the resident alien in your towns, so that your male and female slave may rest as well as you.
15 Remember that you were a slave in the land of Egypt, and the Lord your God brought you out from there with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm; therefore the Lord your God commanded you to keep the sabbath day.
Seriously? I guess ambulance drivers, doctors, the military, basically any job which requires 24/7 activity in to some degree condemns you to hell. How about farmers who had to feed the livestock on Sunday so they didn't starve?
What if, let's say I'm on a trip with one of my little cousins and he falls and breaks his leg, am I going to hell if I roughly bandage/splint it and carry him to the nearest doctors office?
16 Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God commanded you, so that your days may be long and that it may go well with you in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.
What if your father and mother are not worth honoring? I love my parents more than anything, but we frequently disagree on things and have lively discussions about them. How about parents that abuse their children? Should the child honor them as well?
17 You shall not murder.
Fair enough, how about the crusades, the inquisition, the countless people murdered in the name of God since his first appearance? How about Jihad, suicide bombers, the current "war" between Israel and Palestine. It hardly leaves much up to context or to situation does it?
Let's say that someone breaks into your house, rapes your wife and kids, then tells you he's going to kill them right before your eyes, are you still not allowed to try and kill the fucker, and if you succeed at saving your families life, you are now condemned to hell.
18 Neither shall you commit adultery.
The Bible is full of adultery, David comes to mind as a prime example. There is also the situation and the context of that adultery. If someone puts a gun to your families head, and says that if your wife doesn't sleep with him he'll kill all of you and she sleeps with him. She is now heading on an express train to hell.
How about if someone is forced to marry someone they do not love, have anything in common with and so on and meet someone whom they do share that special connection?
I'm not giving cheating bastards and bitches a pass here, because for the most part cheating comes as a result of people having no fucking self control and lacking the moral fiber to tell the person they are in a relationship with that they want to split up. But I do suppose there are situations where it can be justified or even judged as the correct action.
19 Neither shall you steal.
Again, how about context? The Church both catholic, protestant, Greek orthodox, Russian Orthodox whatever have at some point used their power to obtain things they were not justified to obtain. I'm not going to hand out a laundry list of examples of this its evident if you read a history book.
Also what if someone is starving to death, is it wrong for them to in desperation steal food for themselves? No not really unless them stealing the food means someone else is starving. How about if someone is out walking with their grandfather and he collapses in the middle of nowhere. The person runs to a nearby farm and finds that nobodies home but sees a car with the keys in the ignition outside? Does the person really deserve to be sent to hell because he or she "stole" a car to rush their grandfather to the hospital?
20 Neither shall you bear false witness against your neighbor.
How about if your neighbor is really a Fred West like bastard, and you know that something is up but you're not sure what? Is it really a bad thing to call in a little phonecall and send the cops to his place? If people are getting hurt by you following the commandments then they are causing evil acts aren't they?
21 Neither shall you covet your neighbor’s wife. Neither shall you desire your neighbor’s house, or field, or male or female slave, or ox, or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.
This is the hardest one to follow to be honest. Covet is defined by dictionary.com as wrongfully desiring something. Now I don't know about the rest of you, but I covet a lot of things belonging to my neighbor frequently. Not necessarily my actual neighbor. For instance I saw a really hot married chick at the grocery store the other day and I coveted her quite wrongfully and graphically in the shower later that day.
I covet my neighbors house all the time, he has a sauna, a full size media room with a bar and a very well equipped channel package.
I've never really coveted someone's slave, male or female mostly because if you have literal slaves IE people you literally OWN, not like "0wn3d" in CounterStrike. That's a fuckload worse than coveting someone elses wife, and eating pork, and stealing a loaf of bread, or saying "Oh My God!".
You see the one thing all of these have in common is that they do not take into account context, they don't give a shit about justifiable acts and so on. They do not even make sense! It's much worse to actually RAPE your neighbors wife, or kid, or donkey, than to covet them.
It's much worse to starve to death rather than eat pork. It's a fuckload worse to trick people who can't do fractions into mortgages they cannot pay or even understand. I'd much rather have a girl with a little experience, who is open about things, who can see things from more than 1 point of view and who educates herself on things, than I would want Sarah Palin.
It's not that I have anything against women in politics, I like Hilary Clinton, I like Madeleine Albright, I'm not sure if I liked Condoleeza, but she is probably as close to Dick Cheney with tits as you can get.
Sarah Palin talks like she literally had her mind blown.
I'd say keeping your own daughter locked up in the basement while raping her is a bit more evil than say killing her right away, because odds are after 20+ years of rape and torture, not being able to see sunlight, not being able to go outside etc the odds of having a decent life is pretty fucked. Any guy who isn't going to lock you up in a basement and rape you is kind of a catch you know.
It's a hell of a lot worse to invade multiple countries and so on than to kill a couple of people.
So in short while modern laws are too complex, the commandments and bible show a very "teenage" human mindset, not the one of an all powerful being.
Do you really think that eating pork is going to come into question on judgment day? Why does it even matter, does context matter? Let's say I was about to die of starvation and I call out to God to please save me. Next thing I know a beautiful suckling pig saunters by, all made from delicious pork. I mean people have eaten human flesh, excrement, bugs, seeds and so on to stay alive, I'm fairly sure a nice side of bacon tastes a fuckload better and is less disgusting.
God helps those who help themselves, so I'm helping myself to a big BLT right now.
Deuteronomy 5:6–21
" you shall have no other gods before me.
Ok. but am I allowed to test other faiths? I guess not. This kind of reminds me of the tales I've read from North Korea where people think they are better off than everyone else, while in reality I would rather spend a few years in an American maximum security prison than in North Korea. Sure in the Maximum security prison I will most likely get raped in every way imaginable and a few unimaginable ones, but at least I get 3 meals a day, sufficient clothing, decent heat, and health/dental care.
In North Korea I risk being sent to a secret government detention center in the middle of fucking nowhere and slowly get worked, beaten and starved to death, in between bouts of torture. Oh and even if I don't get tossed in a prison camp, I'll most likely starve, freeze, have toothaches, and die from illnesses that are more or less eradicated in the west.
Wouldn't an all powerful all knowing God have slightly more confidence in his own message, that he is willing to let us explore freely all avenues of faith?
God strikes me as using the same tools Stalin, Kim Jong Il and numerous other dictators have used throughout history.
8 You shall not make for yourself an idol, whether in the form of anything that is in heaven above, or that is on the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.
9 You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, punishing children for the iniquity of parents, to the third and fourth generation of those who reject me,
10 but showing steadfast love to the thousandth generation of those who love me and keep my commandments.
I suppose this one leaves little up to interpretation, you are not to make an idol for yourself period. So Star Wars action figures, Transformers, every hot little piece of celebrity ass on posters, cars, houses, ANYTHING we idolize is against God, because he is to be our only idol. And damn you if you worship anything else!
That's fucking harsh isn't it? Punishing the children for what the parents have done, not just in 1 generation, but grandchildren, great grandchildren, great great grandchildren. Let me demonstrate if your Great Great grandfather, IE Your fathers, fathers, father, yes it's complicated I know. Basically the dude who fathered your grandfather's father, got handed a gun by Billy the Kid back in the 1850's which he loved and idolized and as such it became the most valued possession in his life. Now God is going to punish the shit out of you.
11 You shall not make wrongful use of the name of the Lord your God, for the Lord will not acquit anyone who misuses his name.
If you ever used the phrase "Oh my God", "Dear Lord!" or any other use of God's name in any situation where you are not calling for him specifically, you are screwed.
12 Observe the sabbath day and keep it holy, as the Lord your God commanded you.
13 For six days you shall labour and do all your work.
14 But the seventh day is a sabbath to the Lord your God; you shall not do any work—you, or your son or your daughter, or your male or female slave, or your ox or your donkey, or any of your livestock, or the resident alien in your towns, so that your male and female slave may rest as well as you.
15 Remember that you were a slave in the land of Egypt, and the Lord your God brought you out from there with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm; therefore the Lord your God commanded you to keep the sabbath day.
Seriously? I guess ambulance drivers, doctors, the military, basically any job which requires 24/7 activity in to some degree condemns you to hell. How about farmers who had to feed the livestock on Sunday so they didn't starve?
What if, let's say I'm on a trip with one of my little cousins and he falls and breaks his leg, am I going to hell if I roughly bandage/splint it and carry him to the nearest doctors office?
16 Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God commanded you, so that your days may be long and that it may go well with you in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.
What if your father and mother are not worth honoring? I love my parents more than anything, but we frequently disagree on things and have lively discussions about them. How about parents that abuse their children? Should the child honor them as well?
17 You shall not murder.
Fair enough, how about the crusades, the inquisition, the countless people murdered in the name of God since his first appearance? How about Jihad, suicide bombers, the current "war" between Israel and Palestine. It hardly leaves much up to context or to situation does it?
Let's say that someone breaks into your house, rapes your wife and kids, then tells you he's going to kill them right before your eyes, are you still not allowed to try and kill the fucker, and if you succeed at saving your families life, you are now condemned to hell.
18 Neither shall you commit adultery.
The Bible is full of adultery, David comes to mind as a prime example. There is also the situation and the context of that adultery. If someone puts a gun to your families head, and says that if your wife doesn't sleep with him he'll kill all of you and she sleeps with him. She is now heading on an express train to hell.
How about if someone is forced to marry someone they do not love, have anything in common with and so on and meet someone whom they do share that special connection?
I'm not giving cheating bastards and bitches a pass here, because for the most part cheating comes as a result of people having no fucking self control and lacking the moral fiber to tell the person they are in a relationship with that they want to split up. But I do suppose there are situations where it can be justified or even judged as the correct action.
19 Neither shall you steal.
Again, how about context? The Church both catholic, protestant, Greek orthodox, Russian Orthodox whatever have at some point used their power to obtain things they were not justified to obtain. I'm not going to hand out a laundry list of examples of this its evident if you read a history book.
Also what if someone is starving to death, is it wrong for them to in desperation steal food for themselves? No not really unless them stealing the food means someone else is starving. How about if someone is out walking with their grandfather and he collapses in the middle of nowhere. The person runs to a nearby farm and finds that nobodies home but sees a car with the keys in the ignition outside? Does the person really deserve to be sent to hell because he or she "stole" a car to rush their grandfather to the hospital?
20 Neither shall you bear false witness against your neighbor.
How about if your neighbor is really a Fred West like bastard, and you know that something is up but you're not sure what? Is it really a bad thing to call in a little phonecall and send the cops to his place? If people are getting hurt by you following the commandments then they are causing evil acts aren't they?
21 Neither shall you covet your neighbor’s wife. Neither shall you desire your neighbor’s house, or field, or male or female slave, or ox, or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.
This is the hardest one to follow to be honest. Covet is defined by dictionary.com as wrongfully desiring something. Now I don't know about the rest of you, but I covet a lot of things belonging to my neighbor frequently. Not necessarily my actual neighbor. For instance I saw a really hot married chick at the grocery store the other day and I coveted her quite wrongfully and graphically in the shower later that day.
I covet my neighbors house all the time, he has a sauna, a full size media room with a bar and a very well equipped channel package.
I've never really coveted someone's slave, male or female mostly because if you have literal slaves IE people you literally OWN, not like "0wn3d" in CounterStrike. That's a fuckload worse than coveting someone elses wife, and eating pork, and stealing a loaf of bread, or saying "Oh My God!".
You see the one thing all of these have in common is that they do not take into account context, they don't give a shit about justifiable acts and so on. They do not even make sense! It's much worse to actually RAPE your neighbors wife, or kid, or donkey, than to covet them.
It's much worse to starve to death rather than eat pork. It's a fuckload worse to trick people who can't do fractions into mortgages they cannot pay or even understand. I'd much rather have a girl with a little experience, who is open about things, who can see things from more than 1 point of view and who educates herself on things, than I would want Sarah Palin.
It's not that I have anything against women in politics, I like Hilary Clinton, I like Madeleine Albright, I'm not sure if I liked Condoleeza, but she is probably as close to Dick Cheney with tits as you can get.
Sarah Palin talks like she literally had her mind blown.
I'd say keeping your own daughter locked up in the basement while raping her is a bit more evil than say killing her right away, because odds are after 20+ years of rape and torture, not being able to see sunlight, not being able to go outside etc the odds of having a decent life is pretty fucked. Any guy who isn't going to lock you up in a basement and rape you is kind of a catch you know.
It's a hell of a lot worse to invade multiple countries and so on than to kill a couple of people.
So in short while modern laws are too complex, the commandments and bible show a very "teenage" human mindset, not the one of an all powerful being.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
The MMORPG question
I'm a long time MMORPG player, I've been involved in gaming somehow since I was about 10 and got my first Nintendo for Christmas. When I was 18 I started getting into MMORPG (Massive multiplayer online Role playing game) my first one being Star Wars Galaxies, sure I tried a few before that but they never quite grabbed me.
SWG was a rather unique MMORPG since due to game balance issues a single player in good equipment could take on Bossmobs in the game. I enjoyed it very much because I could log on, get a set of buffs and get going, if I died or messed up it was my fault completely.
Since I could do most things solo, I was free to log on whenever I had time, my guild was a mainly pvp guild, and while we did have guild events it wasn't every day. Most of the time the guild functioned through guildchat and whispers and not by playing together constantly. Sure we did pvp and did base defenses but that was a few hours here and there.
After Sony Online Entertainment managed to ruin Star Wars Galaxies I moved on to World of Warcraft. The behemoth with 10+ million players, the raid mecca of the modern mmo world. At first I really enjoyed the leveling up to level 60, doing 5 mans with friends and so on. Then we moved on to 40 man raiding which was a rather time consuming task. There were hours of farming for buff items such as flasks and pots, resistance gear, and then the raids themselves which could take anywhere from 2.5 hours to 4 hours.
A sexual sadist has certain steps he or she goes through in order to condition their partner to do their bidding so to speak.
At first the sadist rewards their partner for "good" behavior and punishes them for bad behavior by sulking or similar things.
Once the person is connected to the sadist, the sadist removes "lifelines" to the outside world. This means getting him/her to give up their friends, phone calls to family or other social activities.
Once this has been done the person is usually broken and completely under the power of the dominant sadist.
In the case of WoW like all MMO games it rewards you for playing, but the game also purely rewards you for spending obscene amounts of time in the game. Take an event such as "The flame warden" which requires you to travel across the world, find NPC's and do tasks linked to them. If you do all of them you get a title reward, as you do for all major world events. In addition you get achivement poitns and you get a 310% flight speed drake if you do every world event.
The game rewards you by giving you gear, titles, achivement points, gold, and so on. It also punishes you for "bad" behavior IE not doing the events or raids correctly by costing you time and effort. IE if you wipe in a Raid you end up spending 5 - 10 minutes running back, rebuffing and so on.
In addition these raids are done by 10 or 25 people, if one or two of them make mistakes, you wipe and have to start over.
What ended up forcing me to stop was that I spent about 4 hours Sunday - Friday raiding, and most of the time I did play correctly and still my guild was unable to do the boss in question because a few people usually the same ones fuck up.
People say WoW is just a hobby, or that they swap TV for WoW and if they do that its fine. However a lot of the players I met in the game didn't have much of anything in their lives except the game. Some may not have had much to start with, but the game "divides" you from real life if you let it.
I mean my guild raids from 19.45 to 23.45 Sunday night, Monday night, Tuesday night, Wednesday night, Thursday night. Then there are optional 10 man raids on Friday and Saturday, however some people will give you shit if you don't show up. In the end I felt guilty because I didn't show up 5 nights a week to raid. Showed up before raids to do the daily 5 man dungeon quest.
The game itself and the way its designed ends up stripping you of "real life" in favor of a more fun virtual one. You can hardly blame people for wanting to escape but when the escape slowly becomes your life its dangerous. I've lost several friends to World of Warcraft, they just want to play every single day, never want to go out or do something in real life because to them wow is the best thing in their life.
But when you quit an MMORPG you don't just lose the game itself, but you lose most of the friends you had in the game. People you've talked to every day for months or even years stop talking to you on msn, or make no effort to answer texts and phonecalls.
So not only have you lost most of your real life friends because of the addiction, you now face losing the only social network you have left the people in game.
That's why breaking a wow addiction is so hard, because even if you hate the game you stay for the people you like who still play it. So in the end the game takes over and you lose your real life friends, and when you quit you lose the online ones.
So you end up having to deal with the addiction and the urge to log back in, if not to play just to talk to someone.
SWG was a rather unique MMORPG since due to game balance issues a single player in good equipment could take on Bossmobs in the game. I enjoyed it very much because I could log on, get a set of buffs and get going, if I died or messed up it was my fault completely.
Since I could do most things solo, I was free to log on whenever I had time, my guild was a mainly pvp guild, and while we did have guild events it wasn't every day. Most of the time the guild functioned through guildchat and whispers and not by playing together constantly. Sure we did pvp and did base defenses but that was a few hours here and there.
After Sony Online Entertainment managed to ruin Star Wars Galaxies I moved on to World of Warcraft. The behemoth with 10+ million players, the raid mecca of the modern mmo world. At first I really enjoyed the leveling up to level 60, doing 5 mans with friends and so on. Then we moved on to 40 man raiding which was a rather time consuming task. There were hours of farming for buff items such as flasks and pots, resistance gear, and then the raids themselves which could take anywhere from 2.5 hours to 4 hours.
A sexual sadist has certain steps he or she goes through in order to condition their partner to do their bidding so to speak.
At first the sadist rewards their partner for "good" behavior and punishes them for bad behavior by sulking or similar things.
Once the person is connected to the sadist, the sadist removes "lifelines" to the outside world. This means getting him/her to give up their friends, phone calls to family or other social activities.
Once this has been done the person is usually broken and completely under the power of the dominant sadist.
In the case of WoW like all MMO games it rewards you for playing, but the game also purely rewards you for spending obscene amounts of time in the game. Take an event such as "The flame warden" which requires you to travel across the world, find NPC's and do tasks linked to them. If you do all of them you get a title reward, as you do for all major world events. In addition you get achivement poitns and you get a 310% flight speed drake if you do every world event.
The game rewards you by giving you gear, titles, achivement points, gold, and so on. It also punishes you for "bad" behavior IE not doing the events or raids correctly by costing you time and effort. IE if you wipe in a Raid you end up spending 5 - 10 minutes running back, rebuffing and so on.
In addition these raids are done by 10 or 25 people, if one or two of them make mistakes, you wipe and have to start over.
What ended up forcing me to stop was that I spent about 4 hours Sunday - Friday raiding, and most of the time I did play correctly and still my guild was unable to do the boss in question because a few people usually the same ones fuck up.
People say WoW is just a hobby, or that they swap TV for WoW and if they do that its fine. However a lot of the players I met in the game didn't have much of anything in their lives except the game. Some may not have had much to start with, but the game "divides" you from real life if you let it.
I mean my guild raids from 19.45 to 23.45 Sunday night, Monday night, Tuesday night, Wednesday night, Thursday night. Then there are optional 10 man raids on Friday and Saturday, however some people will give you shit if you don't show up. In the end I felt guilty because I didn't show up 5 nights a week to raid. Showed up before raids to do the daily 5 man dungeon quest.
The game itself and the way its designed ends up stripping you of "real life" in favor of a more fun virtual one. You can hardly blame people for wanting to escape but when the escape slowly becomes your life its dangerous. I've lost several friends to World of Warcraft, they just want to play every single day, never want to go out or do something in real life because to them wow is the best thing in their life.
But when you quit an MMORPG you don't just lose the game itself, but you lose most of the friends you had in the game. People you've talked to every day for months or even years stop talking to you on msn, or make no effort to answer texts and phonecalls.
So not only have you lost most of your real life friends because of the addiction, you now face losing the only social network you have left the people in game.
That's why breaking a wow addiction is so hard, because even if you hate the game you stay for the people you like who still play it. So in the end the game takes over and you lose your real life friends, and when you quit you lose the online ones.
So you end up having to deal with the addiction and the urge to log back in, if not to play just to talk to someone.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Expectations
When I sit down to make a decision, the thought "What would be the best for me" isn't always at the top of the list. Often it comes down to "What would my family think", "How would my family feel" "how would my parents react". Yeah I know these are a bit strange for a 27 year old man to have, but my family are still factored into my decisions.
When I say family I naturally mean my parents, grandparents, siblings and so on, not a wife and kids. In my Supertramp post I talk a little bit about the "wish for adventure" that every young man has, its kind of grown into us through the stories we read. Me, I grew up on "The Hardy Boys", "Bill and Ben", "Morgan Kane". I read other books like the futuristic stories of Jules Verne, I'm not going to list them because I don't know the English titles of all of them. "Treasure Island" by Robert Louis Stevenson. I still on occasion have dreams of discovery, and adventure, sure not in the exact same way as when I was 10ish but the urge is similar.
Society isn't equipped for this anymore though, for most their great adventure is a 2 - 3 month trip spent backpacking in Europe. Think about a 15 year old boy/man signing on a ship to sail to Asia, America, Africa about 30 - 40 years ago in Norway this was almost commonplace.
The dream of the great white north, for Supertramp, regardless of his mental state at the time (I think he was in the middle of a serious psychological breakdown) was something alien to him, that should be so much nearer to us.
The more technologically advanced we get, the further away from our nature do we go, the more "subdued" our instincts become. Now I'm not saying that everyone needs to strip nekkid and run into the woods, I'm saying that the urge to explore the unknown is human. The need to discover new things is human, but they do not fit into todays society as much. "A High school diploma is the key to the future" oh wait its useless since you pretty much need a bachelor these days, oh wait no maybe a Master.
Sure there are stories of some guy dropping out at 15 and then becoming a multimillionaire but those are rather rare. The level of education leads to people getting out into life later, with more student loans, more responsibilities and so on.
When a person spends from age 6 - 18 in school, then becomes "an adult" and passes into 3 - 4 years of college, then perhaps graduate studies, and a person is in their late 20s before they finish their schooling. At this point the pressure to find a significant other and procreate increases because after all "By the time I was x I had 3 kids".
Sure its possible to have kids until you die as a man but quite frankly I would like to be young enough to still actively take part in my children's life.
I don't want to be the grayhaired dad with the potbelly stretched out beyond the bleachers, who goes out of breath screaming at the ref. Or the guy sitting halfway down the slope drinking hot chocolate while his kids are having the time of their life.
But by the time I have children if I do, I would like to have things relatively well set up for them to be born. I'd like my life to be stable, to have the financial means and time to be there in their lives, and not some dad who has to spend 60 - 80 hours a week at work.
So if I finish school at 27, get a job right away, it will take a few years before I can build up the financial "power" to build or buy a home big enough for my future family. I also need to find a suitable mate, and make sure that relationship is suitable for a child. So time is of the essence if you're looking to sort everything out.
Now sure thinking that far ahead is just distracting, but for someone getting bombarded by suggestion every day, from parents, media, society and so on its a whirlwind of WTF. So many expectations, so many thoughts and options, so little time.
When I say family I naturally mean my parents, grandparents, siblings and so on, not a wife and kids. In my Supertramp post I talk a little bit about the "wish for adventure" that every young man has, its kind of grown into us through the stories we read. Me, I grew up on "The Hardy Boys", "Bill and Ben", "Morgan Kane". I read other books like the futuristic stories of Jules Verne, I'm not going to list them because I don't know the English titles of all of them. "Treasure Island" by Robert Louis Stevenson. I still on occasion have dreams of discovery, and adventure, sure not in the exact same way as when I was 10ish but the urge is similar.
Society isn't equipped for this anymore though, for most their great adventure is a 2 - 3 month trip spent backpacking in Europe. Think about a 15 year old boy/man signing on a ship to sail to Asia, America, Africa about 30 - 40 years ago in Norway this was almost commonplace.
The dream of the great white north, for Supertramp, regardless of his mental state at the time (I think he was in the middle of a serious psychological breakdown) was something alien to him, that should be so much nearer to us.
The more technologically advanced we get, the further away from our nature do we go, the more "subdued" our instincts become. Now I'm not saying that everyone needs to strip nekkid and run into the woods, I'm saying that the urge to explore the unknown is human. The need to discover new things is human, but they do not fit into todays society as much. "A High school diploma is the key to the future" oh wait its useless since you pretty much need a bachelor these days, oh wait no maybe a Master.
Sure there are stories of some guy dropping out at 15 and then becoming a multimillionaire but those are rather rare. The level of education leads to people getting out into life later, with more student loans, more responsibilities and so on.
When a person spends from age 6 - 18 in school, then becomes "an adult" and passes into 3 - 4 years of college, then perhaps graduate studies, and a person is in their late 20s before they finish their schooling. At this point the pressure to find a significant other and procreate increases because after all "By the time I was x I had 3 kids".
Sure its possible to have kids until you die as a man but quite frankly I would like to be young enough to still actively take part in my children's life.
I don't want to be the grayhaired dad with the potbelly stretched out beyond the bleachers, who goes out of breath screaming at the ref. Or the guy sitting halfway down the slope drinking hot chocolate while his kids are having the time of their life.
But by the time I have children if I do, I would like to have things relatively well set up for them to be born. I'd like my life to be stable, to have the financial means and time to be there in their lives, and not some dad who has to spend 60 - 80 hours a week at work.
So if I finish school at 27, get a job right away, it will take a few years before I can build up the financial "power" to build or buy a home big enough for my future family. I also need to find a suitable mate, and make sure that relationship is suitable for a child. So time is of the essence if you're looking to sort everything out.
Now sure thinking that far ahead is just distracting, but for someone getting bombarded by suggestion every day, from parents, media, society and so on its a whirlwind of WTF. So many expectations, so many thoughts and options, so little time.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Mental health and modern life
Despite all the progress of modern life, there are a few things that still carry heavy stigma. You can be gay, a tranny, you can be a flaky bohemian, provided you don't have mental health problems. You see despite our progress, mental illness still carries a heavy stigma.
The thing is people with mental health problems can still make huge contributions to humanity as a species. The story of John Forbes Nash is an example, despite the producers and writers of "A Beautiful Mind" taking huge liberties with the story, it does show that a person with mental illness can make a huge difference in their field.
The truth is that a lot of people currently living in our modern world could use a few hours to a few months on a therapists couch, I've even spent some time there.
All of us, rich or poor, smart or dumb, tall or short, thin and fat, from every religion, every walk of life could benefit from a little while of self exploration, and having a professional as a mirror, or as a magnifying glass. It's very interesting how even the most down to earth of us have issues that bubble to the surface once in a while.
Van Gogh without a doubt had some issues, Einstein the same, Napoleon, Winston Churchill, John F. Kennedy. All of them clearly disturbed on some level. Greatness requires that one is disturbed to a certain level, in order to obtain the vision of what one seeks to do. Why do you think so many of our prime artists have died to drugs in the last 30 years, some of them great while alive some not appreciated until after their death?
I think that in order to create something great one has to be a little bit crazy. Not Norman Bates in psycho crazy, but a few connections in your head need to be a little different.
The thing is people with mental health problems can still make huge contributions to humanity as a species. The story of John Forbes Nash is an example, despite the producers and writers of "A Beautiful Mind" taking huge liberties with the story, it does show that a person with mental illness can make a huge difference in their field.
The truth is that a lot of people currently living in our modern world could use a few hours to a few months on a therapists couch, I've even spent some time there.
All of us, rich or poor, smart or dumb, tall or short, thin and fat, from every religion, every walk of life could benefit from a little while of self exploration, and having a professional as a mirror, or as a magnifying glass. It's very interesting how even the most down to earth of us have issues that bubble to the surface once in a while.
Van Gogh without a doubt had some issues, Einstein the same, Napoleon, Winston Churchill, John F. Kennedy. All of them clearly disturbed on some level. Greatness requires that one is disturbed to a certain level, in order to obtain the vision of what one seeks to do. Why do you think so many of our prime artists have died to drugs in the last 30 years, some of them great while alive some not appreciated until after their death?
I think that in order to create something great one has to be a little bit crazy. Not Norman Bates in psycho crazy, but a few connections in your head need to be a little different.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
The Supertramp
I recently learned the story of Christopher McCandless and while I do understand his need to search for something beyond the fairly easy life of the 21st century, some things are a bit weird. The need to go back in time is something I've dreamed of quite frequently. Not because I think it was a simpler life, but because I think the modern world tend to throw a bit too much at us. Life in the older times was more about primary survival needs than luxury goods and cravings for things we don't need. So living off the land and separating oneself from being owned by possessions is noble, I wouldn't want to go without most of my shit thought.
However at some point you have to take a look at what is idealism and what is just plain stupid. McCandless or Alexander Supertramp as he called himself on his journey, went into the Alaskan wilderness with a .22 calliber rifle, 400 rounds of hollowpoints and 10 lbs of rice.
No map, no compass, no axe, no decent knife. At the very least anyone heading "into the wild" should bring sufficient equipment. Now for the shotbus fuckers that means; Knife, first aid kit, axe, sharpening stone/iron, clothes suited for the climate and clothing repair kit, a flint or another reliable tool to make a fire. Weapon (s) suitable for what he or she may come across. This means that in an area where you may run into this fellow you might want to bring something with a bit more punch than this peashooter. Shooting a grizzly with that is the equivalent of shooting Fat Albert at 20 paces with a BB gun. Unless you get a direct eye hit that bear will keep coming at you, and now he/she is pissed!
Maybe something like a proper hunting rifle and a second rifle for small game, perhaps a fishing pole or some form of nets since the rivers tend to have quite a bit of fish in them, you know in case you get hungry. I mean you wouldn't want to starve to death right by a river full of fish, after you try to preserve meat in a way unsuited for the area in effect spoiling it.
Am I calling Chris McCandless a moron, I guess I am. Sure he's portrayed as someone who rejected the life his parents wanted for him, he's not the first nor will he be the last to do that. In the movie we get a picture of charming, intelligent young man, and I'm sure he was. however he cannot possibly have been of sound mind when he went into the wild.
At one point his behavior started to show way to many signs of being reckless rather than on an adventure. I might feel this way since I've grown up among people who frequently go into nature to hunt, fish and whatever else they feel like. None of them would voluntarily go into the wilderness unprepared. My uncle who used to spend weeks in the mountains hunting would do laps where he placed dry goods depots around where he would be hunting later, so that if shit happens he knew where he could find food.
Now am I saying that people shouldn't try to live off the land for long periods of time? No I'm not, I'm saying that if you insist on doing this shit, prepare first. Get a map, get a compass, you don't have to look at either, just have them with you. Spend a little time speaking to people who are used to living in the same type of terrain, the best ways to preserve meat isn't always the same.
Get a fucking first aid kit, with a few bandages and such. Even the great adventurers of history didn't go out completely unprepared. If Christopher Columbus had done what Supertramp did he would have sunk before he left harbor. If Lewis and Clark pulled this shit they would have died before hitting the halfway mark.
Being an adventurer isn't the same as being reckless and having no regard for your own life.
However at some point you have to take a look at what is idealism and what is just plain stupid. McCandless or Alexander Supertramp as he called himself on his journey, went into the Alaskan wilderness with a .22 calliber rifle, 400 rounds of hollowpoints and 10 lbs of rice.
No map, no compass, no axe, no decent knife. At the very least anyone heading "into the wild" should bring sufficient equipment. Now for the shotbus fuckers that means; Knife, first aid kit, axe, sharpening stone/iron, clothes suited for the climate and clothing repair kit, a flint or another reliable tool to make a fire. Weapon (s) suitable for what he or she may come across. This means that in an area where you may run into this fellow you might want to bring something with a bit more punch than this peashooter. Shooting a grizzly with that is the equivalent of shooting Fat Albert at 20 paces with a BB gun. Unless you get a direct eye hit that bear will keep coming at you, and now he/she is pissed!
Maybe something like a proper hunting rifle and a second rifle for small game, perhaps a fishing pole or some form of nets since the rivers tend to have quite a bit of fish in them, you know in case you get hungry. I mean you wouldn't want to starve to death right by a river full of fish, after you try to preserve meat in a way unsuited for the area in effect spoiling it.
Am I calling Chris McCandless a moron, I guess I am. Sure he's portrayed as someone who rejected the life his parents wanted for him, he's not the first nor will he be the last to do that. In the movie we get a picture of charming, intelligent young man, and I'm sure he was. however he cannot possibly have been of sound mind when he went into the wild.
At one point his behavior started to show way to many signs of being reckless rather than on an adventure. I might feel this way since I've grown up among people who frequently go into nature to hunt, fish and whatever else they feel like. None of them would voluntarily go into the wilderness unprepared. My uncle who used to spend weeks in the mountains hunting would do laps where he placed dry goods depots around where he would be hunting later, so that if shit happens he knew where he could find food.
Now am I saying that people shouldn't try to live off the land for long periods of time? No I'm not, I'm saying that if you insist on doing this shit, prepare first. Get a map, get a compass, you don't have to look at either, just have them with you. Spend a little time speaking to people who are used to living in the same type of terrain, the best ways to preserve meat isn't always the same.
Get a fucking first aid kit, with a few bandages and such. Even the great adventurers of history didn't go out completely unprepared. If Christopher Columbus had done what Supertramp did he would have sunk before he left harbor. If Lewis and Clark pulled this shit they would have died before hitting the halfway mark.
Being an adventurer isn't the same as being reckless and having no regard for your own life.
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